and this is one in the pantheon: reaching days where you drive one another to a colonoscopy.
Wait, wait…bear with me, and yes, I have her permission to tell this tale and use this pic…but amidst the beautifully coiffed and exceptionally well staged wedding images in this day and age there needs be room for the equally as beautiful authentic days in marriage like, well, colonoscopy days.
Please don’t mis-read me here, I love the sacred space around any wedding, and I have appreciated the immense splendor my beautiful clients and colleagues have created around an altar, but if I have any role within this “industry” it is to open eyes to the sacredness of, well,...
"Marriage is an aggregate of multiple narratives. It belongs to the people who are in it, but it also belongs to the people who are supporting it and living around it: family, friends, community. As I once said, and it became a kind of a saying for me, when you pick a partner, you pick a story, and then you find yourself in a play you never auditioned for. And that is when the narratives clash. " Dr. Esther Perel
I guarantee you won’t find the above definition for marriage in any high glossed wedding planning magazines or blogs on the market today. But, from the persecutive of this wedding minister who himself will complete his 29th year of marriage, to the same women no less, this week, I nominat...
I've celebrated hundreds of weddings in the last few years. Be they elegantly produced affairs or simple office ceremonies at the VOW office. Each bride and groom has a glow about them. They look great no matter what age they are when they answer "I will" to the question of Intentions, "will you promise to love, honor and cherish....and remain faithful."
And, as I am often overheard to say in many a ceremony, what we look like at the altar to our guests and to each other has very little to do with the journey of maturity we are pledging ourselves to when we are pronounced married at the end of the ceremony.
Too often, and I will admit the wedding industry of which I am a part of shares some...
…follow these five suggestions so neither you nor your guests will regret your decision to do so. Let's face it, when couples stand at their altar and fumble through this portion of a wedding ceremony everyone is uncomfortable, and a little bit of forethought goes a long way.
Don’t worry about memorizing.
Even if you are a world class orator, its doubtful your partner is. The last thing you want during the wedding is one of you morphing into Oliver Wendall Holmes while the other turns into that kid in speech class who stammered “and, uh” for what felt like an eternity only to breathlessly give up and sit down in a cloud of “I suck.”
As another engagement season approaches, and I try to think of a crafty marketing plan to reach out to potential clients, brides and grooms who need a wedding officiant / minister, or couples who want to put some intentionality into their marriage as opposed to using all their energy to plan their wedding day, I decided, after much brainstorming, to begin with Thankfulness.
I'm thankful for the clients who have invited me into their lives at such a time as this: engagement, wedding ceremony, marital conversation and applied wisdom learned from so many others who have walked down the same path, always aware of the potholes that exist while doing their best to keep walking.
Julie and Elisabeth got married. Just needs to be said. Beautiful women they are, with beautiful sons. A colorful marriage already. I stood with them at the altar, and pronounced them legally. Here. In Columbia. South Carolina.
I’m a minister, ordained back in the Nineties, and suffice it to say, we have travelled a long way since then, and in the truest sense of proclaiming something as “good news,” which is part of the ancient calling of my vocation, I think this fits that category.
I am proud of my state and my country for now being a place where Julie and Elisabeth and their sons can stand and participate fully in the ritual of their faith and sign their names to a paper writ that say...
They don’t go to Sunday School. Nor church, hardly ever.
Oh, at other times in their lives they have logged countless hours in both, I assure you. The stories and traditions and foundations of faith they are quite familiar with. They are raising good, smart, creative kids. The family business is successful.
And for the purpose of this blog, it is duly noted, they have a very healthy marriage, which probably adds to the consternation of the ones who offer copious invitations to “come to our church.” Because, something should be wrong. Right? In our culture and context, healthy marriage is often directly attributed to how often ones darken the door of a church or synagogue in any given week.
If you had a “destination” wedding fifty years ago something was wrong with you.
Well, not actually “wrong,” but it was certainly thought, and probably whispered, “Howard and Madge aren’t getting married in church!”
And the conclusion was drawn, either she was pregnant, or he was a crook, or the family was “not from around here,” or the church knew something she wished she didn’t.
But today, at least as far as my South Carolina context will prove, “we’ve come a long way baby.”
Destination weddings are the fastest growing segment of the wedding industry, and the church should take notice that her venue monopoly is slipping. As a vocational minister, a true “inside guy,” some might think I see this...
By the time they are pronounced wed, most couples standing at the altar don’t really feel the bliss they have come to expect from the crescendoed moment.
Mostly, they feel tired.
And their feet are screaming for a “time out” from the shoes that feel like they came over on the Mayflower.
Lets be honest, most weddings these days are heavily planned and managed occasions. This I like. The proliferation of wedding professionals entering the market place means the ceremony has more attention paid to it than less, often making for a more intentional liturgy, a better experience for everyone. Usually.
Given my bent toward the spiritual, one might consider me an advocate of small, simple ceremonies vo...
Every week in the United States of America over forty thousand weddings are performed, celebrated, officiated or stamped. Although they don’t all survive to see the golden years when his comb over is far worse than her crow’s feet, they all start with the best of loving intentions.
Some make it. Some don’t.
If choice of venue were a precursor to marital success, Carolina couples would be ahead of the curve. Standing beneath a Live Oak with Spanish moss adorning the ceremony like lacey brides maids, or listening to a couple say, “I will” as the sun sets beyond a sweetly swaying coastal marsh may be as beautiful and sacred a setting as any limestone and mortar sanctuary, but marriage aint about t...